$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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