Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he high fived his dick after we had sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
