So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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