I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
wow bdsm is so cute
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize