I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
