but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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