I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
