I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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