i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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