You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
