We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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