my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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