I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
