I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
