All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
