Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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