he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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