I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
