Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
