I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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