3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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