So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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