NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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