it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
