Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
