don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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