you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
