I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
