someone threw a dead crab at me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
