I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
