Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
