Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
