Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
