Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
