why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
