i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
