The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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