I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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