Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
