i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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