She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
