i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
