my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
