quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
