Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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