Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
