i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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