I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
