Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
