We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
