I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
