if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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