Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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