Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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