she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
