I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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