so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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