He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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