I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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