this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
