did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
