I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
