Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
