she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
