somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
