what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
