I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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