in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
