I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
