I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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