Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
