The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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