It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
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I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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